Why I Hate My Chest

Let’s face it, lots of people are unhappy with their bodies. While I am not happy with many aspects of my body (and yes I am working on that) my boobs are the part that I am the most uncomfortable about having.

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At times, I’ve considered getting them completely removed due to my discomfort in their very existence! I’ve considered it more in the past year than I have ever before… and I’m not really sure what to do about it.

When I was 12 almost 13 my body exploded!! I went from stick straight and thin with no boobs to getting hips and a C-cup in a month and a half.

It was painful, frustrating, and absolutely embarrassing and isolating!

Boys at school stared and made rude comments, girls started hating me and accusing me of stuffing my bras, and my own family tortured me over my newly developed womanly body.

Yes, you read that right. Even my own family gave me a hard time. My oldest sister (3 years older) at the time was big (body sized) but smaller chested. My mom wasn’t really around all too much (she had a job, was in school, and had a boyfriend), leaving my two younger siblings going happily along with my older sisters jealousy and hate.

If I stood up straight they told me I was being a slut, and to stop ‘thrusting my boobs out!’ So I quickly learned to slouch my shoulders and curl inwards a bit to hide.

If my sister was feeling particularly cruel she would take my moms sewing pins and needles and chase me around the apartment because she wanted to ‘pop’ my breasts because they were ‘fake.’

When I first entered high school I was a E cup, girls who disliked my chest in middle school now hated me even more and threatened to beat me up if I even so much as walked ‘too close’ to their boyfriends.

I heard comments from those in grades older than me that I needed better fitting clothes and I really needed to stop (yet again) ‘stuffing’ my bra.

Older men loved to stare, whistle, throw cat calls, and would even straight out tell me ‘you have wonderful tits.’ Yes, even when I was 14 years old.

Far too many boyfriends have considered foreplay to be ‘let’s play with her boobs until we’re ready to go for it!’ and that’s it…

They’ve been described as: Delicious, yummy, chewable, awesome, perfect, unbelievably NOT fake.

They’re the most commented on part of me as a person and… I hate it!

It’s gotten to the point that I don’t want ANYONE to touch them, but me. They don’t make me feel good when anyone plays with them, the attention they get does not make me feel sexy, and they’re not even good for what nature intended them to do!

Yes, that’s right, I never managed to breastfeed any of my four kids. I tried, trust me I did. I had lactation consultant after lactation consultant tell me that if I WANTED to actually do it, I COULD do it.

Kat was dangerously losing weight in my attempt to try and feed her to the point where her doctor gave me formula so she didn’t starve. We had latch issues, and I never produced enough. I tried with each of the kids and failed every damn time. But after the first time, I didn’t let me break my heart near as much.

So not only are they large, overly sexualized, and uncomfortable (they cause a fair bit of back strain.) They’re completely useless for feeding children.

If it wouldn’t completely throw off my body shape, I’d just get them removed and call it over with. Even if that would cause me even more attention for then being ‘some kind of freak,’ I’m sure.

I’ll never win.

 

 

 

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Kisa Johnson

Owner at Ohayo Okasan
Blogger, Illustrator, Reviewer, Voice Actress, Mom of 5 humans, 7 cats and 5 mice! I do a little bit of it all. Crafting, singing, sewing, baking, cooking, and driving myself a little crazy every day. :) I have ADHD, Anxiety and Depression that I battle with daily. But I'll make it! Someway, somehow.
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10 comments for “Why I Hate My Chest

  1. July 2, 2013 at 1:34 pm

    I am so sorry that you feel this way. I would love to be able to help you feel better about yourself, every part of you.

    :-)

    kathy
    Kathy Hadley recently posted..Newsflash: The Law of Attraction Is Always WorkingMy Profile

  2. July 2, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    I’m a big chested woman myself, but I’ve never hated my boobs. They’re one of the things I like about my body (if you ignore the effects of gravity). I was 4 ft 8 in and thin in 6th grade, carrying two DD’s. I’m now up to 38 H. The only problem I’ve had because of them, is my back. But this came because of my hyper-mobility as well. I’ve never met a man who didn’t like them either :D. I hope you’ll come to love your body someday.
    Linda Ursin recently posted..Crank up the volume in your life with A Rebel Chick Mystic’s GuideMy Profile

  3. July 2, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    I’m so sorry you feel this way and have such bad experiences. I’m 6 ft tall and relatively flat-chested, so I can’t relate to hating my breasts for being too large.

    What I do notice is that we all seem to be critical of our bodies. If we have straight hair, we want curls. If we are tall, we wish we were short. If our breasts are large, we wish they were small.

    It would be so nice to live in a world where we embraced our differences and loved our bodies. And where we don’t get teased and criticized for things that are beyond our control. Hopefully we’ll get there in the future.

    Thanks for sharing.

    • aoikasan
      July 2, 2013 at 9:44 pm

      I’m short, but not petite. 5’5″ puts me at that odd little “middle” type ground. I would love to grow at least 2 inches, through 3 would be great! ;)
      I remember having straight hair and then wanting curly, as I got older my hair actually got slightly curly, so I love that now at least!

      Do you wish you were shorter?

  4. July 2, 2013 at 3:22 pm

    Be proud of what you have. I’m a 34F and about 5 ft 6 in height. You know what, I used to hate my boobs, but now I’ve just learnt to live with them. Despite losing weight last year, my boobs did not budge! I remained the same cup size (but dropped a back size) Just wear a really good, under wired supportive bra. It really helps!
    Sophie Bowns recently posted..Planchette- Part 127My Profile

    • aoikasan
      July 2, 2013 at 9:42 pm

      I’m a 36F right now, and 5’5″ :) I have a couple of really great bras. But that doesn’t help how I feel sadly. ^_^;

  5. July 2, 2013 at 3:23 pm

    There’s got to be some middle ground. Why not consider a reduction, down to a C or something?

    I totally understand when you say that having them played with doesn’t turn you on – I’m a smaller woman in the upper area, and boob action has never done much for me, sexually.

    Here’s hoping you can learn to love your body, even if it means making some changes to it.
    Sunfire recently posted..Giving it another shot…My Profile

    • aoikasan
      July 2, 2013 at 9:45 pm

      A reduction might be helpful true. :) I’m currently a 36F! So maybe a C would be alright… Well.. I’ll see how I feel once I get to my goal weight (once the doctor okays me losing weight) and keep it off for a year and get the tummy tuck I want! ;)

      Nice to know I’m not the only one that doesn’t like boob action!

  6. July 11, 2013 at 8:23 am

    Ah man. You’re right we can never win. I have the opposite problem and have often whined about looking like I’m 12 (I’m barely an A) at 34. Sometimes I tell my friends, “If I’m staring at your chest, I’m just jealous. Can we trade?” They always offer to share some cleavage, “I’ve got plenty to share.” So from this day forward, I’ll not complain. Sounds like the alternative is a much more uncomfortable way to live and I’ve got nothing to gripe about. I’m so sorry for the way your family treated you. :( Dumb uncooperative bodies.

    I actually found you searching for Idaho mom blogs. I’m in the the NorthWest but I saw your title, “Hello Friend” and I had to come say hi. Not too many people in Idaho speak Japanese. I only speak a little but that’s what got me here. :) So NICE to meet another Idaho mom.

    Jessie
    Jessie Gunderson recently posted..Snow in JulyMy Profile

    • aoikasan
      July 11, 2013 at 8:52 am

      Oh I wish I could share some with you! ;) I’d gladly give you a couple of cup sizes! :P Ohh another Idaho mom!! I am going to go check your blog now!~ :D

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