Since our time differences meant that I woke many hours before he did, my fiance always wrote good morning emails to me (alright when he remembered, he forgot a couple of times…) this was the one from yesterday. The final good morning email he’d need to write before visiting family and ultimately coming here. It’s so sweet, that I had to share. Hopefully you don’t mind Aussie-dear! <3
But, ultimately, I couldn’t be more blessed to have this man in my life. As he used to say it ‘warts and all’ I love him.
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Morning.
This will be the last time I ever have to say that via email. Sure, I may get a chance or two to send off a quick morning email before the plane, and I may send you a couple when there just to be cute, but in general… this is the last time I will HAVE to do so just to say good morning to you right after you wake up. It’s a funny feeling… it’s scary, it’s exhilarating, it’s wonderful, it’s terrible, but most of all it’s… closure. This chapter of our lives, this constant waiting and wondering just to get over there is finally, completely and utterly over.
Did you even suspect it would be like this when we first met? Both of us joining Bring the Rain, both of us rather new to the forum and either new or getting back into forum RPs in general. It was amazing RPing with you like that. We bounced off each other so much that I suspect that over half the RP is just us posting back and forth! And then we started messaging each other. First just about RP stuff, then it got into life in general, web-comics etc. I still remember when you linked me to Nendaiki and I clicked on the ‘about the author’ page. I was SO disappointed to see you were with Timo! Back then I probably convince myself it was just a little romantic fantasy to even imagine there was something going on lol.
And then we started MSNing… gods those were such good days. Even now they’re good days of course, but back then it wasn’t just air to breathe to live, it was air to breathe after over 18 years of suffocation! It was so great to just have someone to talk to. To share things with. Young me was such an idiot in so many ways though… clocking out at 6 just to watch Friends, playing games sometimes when I could have been talking to you instead. But we weren’t together yet, and though I loved our time together, I hadn’t even realized just how damn special it was. But time went on, and we got closer and closer… bad things happened, but that just made us stronger. You taught me I was a good person… or perhaps even how to BE a good person. And as time went on I just… fell in love. I longed for every second with you. I practically skipped around Uni thinking of when I could get home to talk to you. And then… awkward confessions on both of our parts. We didn’t think it would ever work out, so we tried to convince ourselves of it and deny the feelings we had. It… did not work, thank the gods!
I still remember the exact moment you said you were falling for me… I… tried to reply that I liked you too, but I did it awkwardly and got embarrassed and tried to deny it. Then… I managed up the courage and just flat out told you. it was an amazing feeling, being with you like that… of course I was still an idiot, so we had some drama. Like me finding it so hard to just tell you how I really felt and that I loved you, and me totally over-reacting over stupid shit, and me- alright alright there were a few mistakes on your end too, but this is my story and I want you to be perfect in it 😛
We tried so hard to get me over there… it was devastating how long it took, how many set backs we had. But actually seeing you for the first time was just… so amazing. So so amazing… it wasn’t exactly leaping into each others arms so to speak, but seeing you for real, KNOWING you were real, that I could touch you, hold you, love you… it was incredible. That first trip had some awkward moments. I am not going to lie. But… when I came home, it was heart breaking to know how long it would be to get back over there again. I had left my whole heart in America. I thought it might get easier, but… nope… each time I came and went was so much harder than the last. We both almost broke the last time I left… I cried in the cab for so long… silent tears, I’m a man damn it! 😛 But in all seriousness… I couldn’t wait for this day… and when we finally got confirmation we had the visa… to say it was the greatest day of my life would be wrong, since any day without you in person with me could never be the greatest one. But it was a damn happy one.
And now we’re finally here… and I find that I love you far far more than I ever imagined I could love anyone before we first met. I didn’t know what love is, and you showed me how magical and wonderful it was. You’re not some perfect vision, or unattainable dream, or something like that… you are my girl. You’re flawed in ways that make you so much more beautiful and wonderful than pure perfection ever could. You are the love of my life. My darling girl. My one and only sole mate. My best friend in the whole world. The perfect RP buddy. The best snuggler in the universe. My Kisa. My Wife. You are so much to me, and I can never, ever repay you for what you’ve done for me, what you’ve made me feel, what you’ve made me BE. The best I can do is love you until the day I die, and I am more than happy to do that since… it makes me so much happier than loving or feeling anything else for anyone else ever could.
I will talk to you soon… and then… we will have a blackout for a while, with just texts and some calls, maybe the odd spurt of MSN or email. But after that will come the plane. And after that will come the day that I never, ever, have to leave home ever again. I am coming home my girl, and I will not leave you if the world falls apart, fires rage, floods… flood… or anything else. I love you too much to ever break your heart like that again, and am too weak to break my own heart that way again either.
I love you. Those words say little, but they’re the best I have.
Your James, Your Friend, Simply Yours, and Your Husband.
Mom of five humans and eight cats! Blogger, Voice Actress, Freelancer and more much. :3
